November: Quality

October was strange. I may not have been participating in the spookiness of it all, but I definitely felt the discomfort. 

As 'discomfort' was the word I chose for this month, I initially went into it thinking I already knew what I would have to overcome. If you saw some of my previous and now deleted posts on socials about visibility and being perceived, you can tell that I was assuming that would be the mountain I had to climb. 

I thought, “Okay, so I want to be recognized for my writing. How can I get some publicity here?” 

“Oh, I know!! Let’s make a TikTok.” 

“...and an Instagram” 

“...and a Pinterest…”

“....and a thread…”

“....and post on all those platforms…everyday”

Obviously, I didn’t do that. And every time I had an idea for something to put on each platform, developing and creating it felt sooo much harder. Especially when all of my ideas needed to be created with resources I don't have. Like: a camera, a set, editing software, good lighting, and money. It's hard to execute when you don't have that last one. 

But I’ve seen it done before. make something out of nothing!! I became consumed with new ideas for each platform. Creating moodboards and concepts for content. And still I couldn't bring myself to execute any of it. 

Later in the month sat with myself and realized I had completely lost the plot. The idea I had became too big for what I can do at this moment, and I almost forgot what I started creating in the first place.

My writing suffered. All of my creativity was zapped away by keeping up with trends, engagement, views, clicks, monetization, and virality, and I became burnt out before I even started. 

When I look back, I don't want to wince at what I used to be. 

In the months coming end, I realized what I had fallen into as well as what I want to become. The quick clicks and moments are not what I want. 

I don't want to be a season or a small part of the internet. I want longevity.

I don't want to create something short for now. I want to create something long, forever. 

I don't want to just reach people. I want to connect. 

And how can I do that, creating something that doesn't satisfy that, satisfy me? 

So now it’s November. I haven't created much last month that reflects the goals I have found for myself now, but I hope this month and moving forward, I will. 

This month’s theme is ‘Quality’. Not fame. Not monetization. Not virality. Just Quality.

That might mean fewer posts on more platforms or more posts on fewer platforms. Or I can continue writing or step into a different medium. Regardless, this month moving forward is about creating something great and timeless that I am proud of.